Divorces often happen when you least expect them, but sometimes you can see them coming. Whatever the case may be for you, it probably doesn’t make the situation any easier. Going through a divorce is stressful, to say the least.
The person you once thought to be your closest ally is about to become your enemy. Needless to say, you’re in for an emotional rollercoaster. Even so, there are things you can do to make the entire process less painful.
Accept the New Circumstances
If you’ve gone over the whole situation in your head and arrived at a conclusion that divorce is the only option, it’s time to change the way you think. How well you’ll handle your divorce largely depends on your initial posture. The person you shared your home with until yesterday is no longer your friend. Accepting this fact can be extremely hard for people. However, it is a predicament to surviving a divorce, especially a rough one.
This isn’t to say that you should see your soon-to-be ex-spouse as an enemy. Rather, you need to accept that they will work against you and may not behave like you’re used to seeing them behave. They will likely hire a lawyer and follow whatever recommendations that lawyers suggest. So will you.
Granted, there are divorces where both parties agree on ending the marriage on good terms, but even such divorces have touchy subjects.
Hire a Divorce Lawyer
If your divorce isn’t going to be a smooth one, you should hire a divorce lawyer as soon as possible. One Chicago divorce lawyer argues that self-representation, although possible, isn’t the best course of action in most cases. The emotional distress that is involved in an average divorce can be too much to bear in addition to dealing with the necessary paperwork and other administrative parts of the process.
Trying to both process your emotions and have everything up to snuff in court usually proves to be a tall order for most. You could start making mistakes that could most likely end up costing you in the long run.
It is much better to hire a professional to take care of everything for you. Your divorce lawyer will not only take over most of the heavy lifting, but they will also help guide you through the entire process from beginning to end.
Additionally, they will do what you might not be able to — treat your ex-spouse as an adversary. Once you step into that courtroom, you need to forget every fun memory you have with your ex because there’s a good chance they will drag you through the mud in order to get what they want. Your lawyer is much more resistant to that type of pressure.
Don’t Let People In On Details
Dealing with a divorce will make you vulnerable. A strong support network makes a massive difference. That being said, you can do more harm than good by giving everyone a detailed account of why your marriage is ending. For one, every time you do that, you’ll be reliving a traumatic experience for no reason at all. More importantly, you’re risking judgment from people you care about.
There’s never enough time to tell the whole story. Your friends or loved ones could pass judgment that will only cause you more stress and anxiety. Because of that, it’s best to lean on people you are absolutely certain are in your corner. Have them around and use them as support when you need to. The rest can get the short version of the story.
Make your Kids the Top Priority
Children are often the only real victims of a divorce. They are taking the brunt of the consequences, despite not being responsible for anything that is happening. No matter how much you can’t deal with your ex-spouse anymore, both of you should make it a priority to solve your differences in a way that will cause the least amount of lasting damage to your children.
Whatever you do, don’t use your kids as a weapon against your ex. No matter how justified you feel in the heat of the moment, doing this will cause irreparable damage to your future relationship with your kids.
Fight for Everything that You’re Entitled To
Division of property and finances is arguably the most important part of the entire process, second to defining custody over children. Once the divorce is over, you and your ex will both be starting a new life. You should fight to get everything that you’re entitled to in terms of properties and finances. You’ll need all the funds you can get for your new beginning.
Look Toward a Brighter Tomorrow
Our lives consist of chapters. For one chapter to open, another one has to close. The sooner you realize and accept that your divorce doesn’t only signify the end of a chapter, but also an opening of a new one. Do what you have to do to end your marriage and release yourself from the weight you’re carrying right now. The moment you’re done with that life, stop looking behind you. Instead, look ahead and focus on accepting new friendships, opportunities, and relationships.
Doing so is an integral part of healing and a necessary one too. A small disclaimer — looking forward and focusing on new relationships doesn’t mean that you have to cut all contact with your ex. This is especially true if you have kids or if you have to maintain contact for whatever other reason.
Retain some form of communication with your ex if you have to, that’s perfectly normal. However, try to reduce any contact to a minimum where you feel comfortable.
Don’t Let Your Failed Marriage Taint your Outlook on Relationships
Relationships fail for all sorts of reasons. What most divorcees often forget is that people change. The person you fell in love with may not necessarily be the person you’re divorcing right now. The same goes for you. You’ve changed as well.
No matter how compatible you were at the beginning of your relationship, something has changed to a point where that is no longer the case. It doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault. Don’t let your previous marriage instill a false sense that all relationships are doomed to fail.
Going through a divorce is tough for all parties involved. As such, you deserve to be happy with someone who will care for you as much as you care for them. That someone is out there. But first, you need to do your best to overcome this difficult phase. You can do so by following the tips above. In doing so, you would be starting anew again.